When U Pray

http://bible.com/296/php.1.20.GNB My deep desire and hope is that I shall never fail in my duty, but that at all times, and especially just now, I shall be full of courage, so that with my whole being I shall bring honour to Christ, whether I live or die.

Man if I could do some things over again I’d be good.  I know I’ve been forgiven and all that but the things I would change are not so much my mistakes, they helped shaped me. I probable wouldn’t change much in my relationships because they made them stronger or showed me they were not good for me.

I would change when I accepted Jesus, fully. I have always loved God and knew that he protected me but I fought so hard with going to church.  I did want to be judged.  Dang,  I finally admit it,  I did not want people to look at me and see how damaged I was,  how hurt and dirty I was. I took a lot of the things that had been done to me as if they were my sins. I was filthy and church people has a way of talking to you that reminds you of all the negative things you already say to yourself.  So I stayed home and I kept my daughter home with me.  But there came a day when a little church bus  pulled up to the neighborhood in Saginaw and she wanted to get on it.  I allowed my baby to get on that bus because she was seeking God and I knew she was blameless,  I knew that my sins were not hers.  (Had I applied that same  logic to myself,  I would have been on it too ). One Sunday she came home so excited to tell me that she had been baptized.  She knew who Jesus was and wanted him for herself.  I am sitting here ready to cry,  she knew who he was,  she was about 8 or 9 but she woke herself up every Sunday to go see Jesus.

Man, that is my regret,  my one do over.  I wish I had been there holding her hand,  putting on her gown and cap and walking her to meet the Lord and Saviour who had been saving my dumb butt all my life.  I could have answered her questions,  shown her how proud I was that she knew him and wanted him enough to go in that water. I let her meet Jesus without me.

Man,  if I could do it over,  I would. I would have been driving her to church myself or getting on that big old bus right with her. But there are no do overs,  just regret.

But, there is good news.  She knows Jesus for herself.

http://bible.com/111/luk.18.16.niv But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.