“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,”
2 Timothy 1:9 NIV
It’s always tough for me to share my personal stories because it kind of leave me open, if that make sense. But I do understand that someone can be blessed from my testimony… I debate with God A LOT, crying like wait… They don’t need to know that!!!! He win every time though!!! So here it goes..
2010, I was like 28, a single mother of a beautiful 4 year old. I was dating this guy off and on and we ended up pregnant. At first I was all for it. But then reality set in and I’m like I don’t want to be a single mother of 2 kids, 2 different daddies. Ain’t no guarantee this negro will be there even though he assured me he would!! I was battling. I talked to my mom and she assured me The devil can’t create life but I wasn’t really trying to hear her at that time. I made up my mind to have an abortion.
He was so angry with me but he said he would support my decision.. So I made the appointment, he picked me up and we went. I swear it was the worst experience of my life!!! And I almost died once and I think it was worst than that I swear!!! The whole process is just awful!! You see a little counselor first to make sure you ready for the foolishness you’re about to partake in.
Then you go in the room and they give you pain meds.. I don’t even think they give you a chance to swallow them before the dr or whatever he is come in with a vacuum and suck the life out of you!! Literally!!! It’s a pain and feeling that’s indescribable!! The rest is kind of a blur after that but I know it was the worst decision I ever made in my life!!!
The mental prison I was in after having it I think was worst than the actual procedure. Constantly hearing the noise. Knowing I made the decision off selfishness. Knowing I didn’t allow a life to come forth.. I was feeling like I didn’t deserve anything!!
Oh But God!!!! Fast forward to 2011 women’s retreat… We had to write on black paper everything that was weighting heavy on us. And of course I wrote the abortion on there with a couple of other things. So we all threw them in this fire pit to burn them up and to be free from the bondage those things were keeping us in. They tried everything in the world to get it to light and it wouldn’t light. So we started singing and praising God. I promise you the fire started on its own!! I’m like wait a minute!!! No seriously who lit that!!!! If I never believed in God that night I was turned into a super believer!! It’s like he was showing us that he was in control. Like ladies I got this!!!
Jesus died on that cross for you and me!! No where does it say that certain sins are excluded. It says he DIED FOR ALL SIN!!!
Whatever you are dealing with, don’t let it separate you from the love of God!!! I don’t know your situation but I know when I was knee deep in sin I felt unworthy and God showed up in my life… The Glory of God can handle a multitude of Sin, so please don’t let anyone make you feel like you are not worthy!! Not even yourself!!! If he can show up in my life, trust me!!! He will do the same for you!!!