It’s funny because the new catch phrase is “All things are working for my good”..when I hear that I wonder if the people who are in the middle of a storm can understand that?
I did not get it when I did something so out if my character with devastating results. One day in the middle of the night my inner woman said get up, look at the phone bill..I was stunned, that’s not me. I was watching my marriage melt down at the time and I didn’t know why, everything I knew and believed was being shaken. All of a sudden my dude wasn’t interested in me, short conversations, easily irritated, no more silly moments of looking at each other and cracking up, suddenly there was a stranger in my house. So I got up, I looked at the phone bill that had 12,345,678,901 numbers on it and my inner woman said That One! I dialed and had no idea what to say when SHE answered wide awake in the middle of the night. I stumbled over my words with my heart beating in my chest so hard I thought I was having a heart attack. In my heart of hearts I knew I was wrong and I knew I was right, I asked ” Do you know him?” She didn’t hesitate or waver she said YES, and we are in love! I died a little, well a lot actually but the entire world stopped on its axis and the moon ceased it’s movement because I was shook.
Ok I’m going to pause for dramatic affect and say, thank God for mothers! Yes, thank God.
I said politely back to the woman, ok, thank you. She said, can you hold? I said sure. She clicked back over and said, he is on the other line, is there anything I should tell him? Well, if you don’t know me, I was polite and I said, can you ask him to bring me my car, I noticed he is driving it. She was stunned, she said is that it. I said yes and thank you so much. I hung up the phone, pulled on my sweats and got the ax out of the closet. I am not lying or making this up. My mother was entering the house as I was putting on my shoes, she took one look at me and said “baby, what’s wrong?” I should tell you my mom was not Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart or none of those kinds of moms, she was a GANGSTER, she said who are we killing? She was down until I told her it was her son in law. My mother looked at me and said, you called some woman’s house, I began to explain that the spirit woke me up, and gave me the right number, I had to call. She said “and you will believe some B$&$$ before you believe your man?” I told you, she was no joke. I’m standing in the hallway cussing and crying and ready to do battle with his car which was his pride and joy then my mom says “sit your A-S-S down, you don’t ever let someone tell you something about your man, what is her motive to tell you the truth! I was not listening to that mess I wanted something or someone to hurt as much as I was. Well, home training showed up, we get used to listening and obeying our moms so I waited impatiently until he got home to ask the question.
Well, things got real bad in my life after that night, I entered into the darkest period of my life. My marriage spiraled out of control, my child lost her foundation and I was left with nothing. I moved back to Flint and things went from bad to worse to worser still. And I didn’t know God but I am forever thankful that he knew me.
Here is the working it out for my good part, you knew I would tell you.
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”Exodus 20:3 KJVhttp://bible.com/1/exo.20.3.kjv
During this time in my life I knew God, I loved him and I trusted him a lot, he was there as I suffered through my youth, I know that because when I was hiding in closets listening to my mother being beaten I called to him and he protected me. When I was hungry and scared he sent me to the homes of my friends and thier mothers fed me and loved on me, I could go on and on but you get the picture. I had no relationship with God. I had put all my trust, all my faith into this boy when I was 15. He looked like he had the kind of life I yearned for. A strong grandmother who was loving and kind, a grandfather who looked at me like I was a child and treated me like a princess. He loved me, he got me, I was able to be open, vulnerable and crazy and it was ok. I loved him like no other, we were tight, Bonnie and Clyde tight. We had weathered some storms, we had lived through having a child that lived 8 months in hospitals before she died, we had weathered the storms my mom brought into our home, we had weathered raising children that were not ours, we were tight. Then we weren’t and I was lost. But God tho! During this difficult time women poured into me about God and the love of Jesus, I heard them but I didn’t get it. We were in this howling storm for years of bad decisions, creating debt to ease the pain, fighting, making up, moving in and out. It was an awful mess but God. During this time I was invited to Ebenezer Ministries by my brother of the heart Vincent Evans. Jesus found me broken down and beat up on a pew on Center rd. He whispered to me to give in and accept him officially and my life would be changed. Well I gave in and gave up and then Jesus went to work. He had his work cut out too, I was a mess. But he never gave up on me, he is still keeping me.
One day I looked back on the most painful time of my life and it didn’t hurt anymore. I saw a Phoenix rising out of the ashes of my life. I was reminded that these things happened for me to break away from Michael my savior and to allow us to grow up and put our relationship in the right order. God first, Michael could not save me or heal me or even love me, because I had not learned to love myself. Now Michael gets to be my husband. He no longer has the pressure of trying to live up to a young girls fantasy of him saving me from the world. He had to be so much to me before he ever had a chance to see who he was. But God, this process was painful, it was horrible but it was necessary. And now years and years later, I understand it.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”Romans 8:28 KJVhttp://bible.com/1/rom.8.28.kjv
