Oh so Jealous….. 

I’m sure this post will be nothing that you imagined. But yes, you heard it correctly!! I was Jealous….  
Not of material things.. I could literally care less about that. I’ve had some of everything in my 34 years of life. I was Jealous to see people happy!! Sounds crazy right? Anxiety tried to take out my happiness. I was miserable!! 
Every day my goal was to make it back to bed. I didn’t care about anything else. It took everything in me to function for work then find some more energy to come home and function for my family. It was awful.. 

I would see people laughing and smiling and I would be angry. Like why God?!? Why can’t I be happy? Why do I have to be hurting and barely functioning?  Oh I was angry!! But it got me no where really…. 

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭Says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… and I’m still working on this!!!
I had to lose my woe is me spirit and figure out the reason for this!! And I can honestly say I don’t have it all figured out. But I do know that I went through this so that I can help others… 

My heart is sensitive now to things that I never in my life thought about. Like mental illnesses, bums on the side of the road. Etc etc.. I see Mental Health Advocate in my near future… 

 But for now, I wake up on a mission to not let this take away my happiness. I keep it moving no matter how I feel!!  I have also learned that it’s ok to have a bad day. Just wake up the next day and try it again..  

I can say I’m no longer Jealous of other people’s happiness. I’ve totally learned to deal with the cards I have and trust that God has my back no matter what it look like(and some days it was super ugly). 
And you should too.. Don’t be afraid to admit how you feel, who cares how people will look at you. Seek help if needed. You don’t have to go through anything alone. With God you are truly unstoppable. So continue to DO IT SCARED!! I’m rooting for you!!! ✊🏾❤️

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Really?

This is reposted from March 2016, it needs a repeat.

““I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other just as I loved you. All people will know that you are my followers if you love each other.””

‭‭John‬ ‭13:34-35‬ ‭ERV‬‬

http://bible.com/406/jhn.13.34-35.erv

Do you love me? Can you love me knowing all my secrets, knowing my past, knowing my mistakes? 

Jesus said people will know we are his followers if we love each other. That’s deep because people are not always easy to love. 

I wonder if he meant you had to love the man who abused you sexually when you were a child? I wonder if he meant you had to forgive the father or mother who abandoned your family and left your family economically challenged? Do you think he meant you have to forgive the person who used your body and broke your heart? Could he possibly expect you to forgive the person who murdered your child, your brother, your father or even your mother? Oh, my could he expect you to forgive the person who was knowingly or unknowingly sleeping with your spouse and caused you step out of your character? Do You have to love the child that your spouse created outside the marriage? Does he want you to love the person who betrayed you time after time in friendship? Could he really expect you to love all these people?

I think he did! He does not expect you to do it in your own power. God’s love will heal you and his power will allow you to love, even when you don’t want to or can’t believe he would expect you to. 

“He heals their broken hearts and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and knows each of them by name. Our Lord is great and powerful. There is no limit to what he knows.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭147:3-5‬ ‭ERV‬‬

http://bible.com/406/psa.147.3-5.erv

No, I don’t need you for that!

To my husband,

 I don’t need you to take care of me. 

“My God will use his glorious riches to give you everything you need. He will do this through Christ Jesus.”‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭ERV‬http://bible.com/406/php.4.19.erv

 I NEED YOU TO TRUST GOD

I don’t need you to make me whole. God created me in his image and his likeness, I am lacking nothing. I need you to remain whole or allow God to take your broken pieces and heal you.

 “I praise you because you made me in such a wonderful way. I know how amazing that was!” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:14‬ ‭ERV‬‬ http://bible.com/406/psa.139.14.erv

I NEED YOU TO TRUST GOD!

No, I don’t need you to protect me, God said he would.

 “The Lord saves his servants. All who go to him for protection will escape punishment.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:22‬ ‭ERV‬‬ http://bible.com/406/psa.34.22.erv

I NEED YOU TO TRUST GOD!

What I really mean is, I don’t need you in the ways of the world. I need you to be my spiritual guide. I need you to guide our family, direct our spiritual growth, be Adam for me. Adam walked with God, talked with God and was given dominion over the things of the earth. That is what I need! I need you to TRUST GOD! God said where two or more are gathered in his name, he will be in the midst. If a husband and his wife can agree on things in this earth and pray to God in Jesus name, they are unstoppable, unbreakable! 

“To say it another way, if two of you on earth agree on anything you pray for, my Father in heaven will do what you ask. Yes, if two or three people are together believing in me, I am there with them.” 

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:19-20‬ ‭ERV‬‬ http://bible.com/406/mat.18.19-20.erv

I NEED YOU TO TRUST GOD!

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭KJV‬‬. http://bible.com/1/pro.3.5-6.kjv