You taught me to love you. You taught me passion and purpose and joy and laughter . I smiled
You taught me to hate you. You taught me despair, loneliness, loathing and regret. I cried
You taught me forgiveness and how to be unforgiving. Yours lips taught my ears to lie, your tongue taught my heart to die, I cried
My God taught me how to live, his love taught me how to love. His power gave me strength to leave but his love gave me courage to stay. I smiled
Only in our relationship could I flourish and only
by our love could I be saved.
Today my “Do it Scared” attitude let me down. I’ve been in Europe for over a week meandering along winding roads, taking harrowing bus and taxi rides, bravely doing it “Scared”.
Today as we docked at the beautiful picturesque Santorini Greece, sitting in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea surrounded by the Aegean Sea on one side and the Ionian Sea on the other I lost it. This island is Unimaginably breathtaking with beautiful homes built into the side of the mountain with awe inspiring vistas and it scared me beyond belief.
As I researched the island I saw the winding roads and thought, hmm I’m afraid of heights, how is this going to work? As we travelled to island after island I was able to talk myself through my scariest moments and was doing fine. Last night as I read through the ship information it provided me with information that was vital. The first information it provided was the time to disembark and that we would be using tenders..-umm I truly don’t like tenders and all the previous ports provided direct port walk offs, but no problem I can handle a tender.. yes I can. The second set of information they provided gave me pause, it mentioned that there were three ways to get up the mountain to the town, walk up 588 steps, I did not mis type the word there were 588 steps. You could ride a donkey up the 588 steps and if you walked up you were in the path of donkey poo or you could take a cable Car up the mountain that is 1,000 feet above sea level.. ummmm, I was very concerned but i put on my big girl panties and pasted a smile on my face, then I reminded myself I could just “Do it Scared”. I came too far to back out so I planned to be successful, I sat with my back to the view and watched the mountain, it took 2 minutes and all was good. Soon after we got to the top I was brave enough to take pictures and truly enjoy the majestic views and the awesomeness of my God. I knew Only God could have created the scenes I saw.
We began our private tour to an ancient site that is currently being excavated, it was good, the ride up was concerning but I did it. I closed my eyes when I got overwhelmed and I confirmed that I had to “Do it Scared”. Next stop we went to a winery with a view that almost stole my breathe away, it was amazing. Ok, pat myself on the back, I did that with little to no panic.. I’m good right? Wrong, on the way to a town called Aio we were admiring the view and I saw the road ahead was winding with no edges, sheer drop offs and crazy drivers.. I lost it. I laid down in that van and cried like a baby. I had reached my limit. I had been brave as long as I could but that scene wrecked me. Then I got mad at myself for giving in to the fear and I cried even harder because I was disappointed.
On the ride back to town Michael sat with me and I laid my head in his lap and he talked to me until we passed the scary parts. He didn’t make a big deal out of it he just sat there with me until I could gather myself. Unfortunately I’ve been weepy since i got back to the ship, it’s like the tears were so glad to get out that they keep coming. Tomorrow is a new day and I’ll “Do it Scared” at the next island.