When U Pray

As I Sit: A Reflection on Grace, Growth, and God’s Faithfulness

As I sat staring at my past, I reflected on my journey. I took out my pain, held it in my hand, and reviewed it from side to side, trying to understand how I survived.

I looked at the times I missed the mark—the moments when nothing seemed to go right. I tried to reconcile my actions with my circumstances, and I quickly realized there was a direct cause and effect. My choices mattered. My decisions shaped my path.

I didn’t always have a relationship with God, but He always had one with me. I remember the quiet nudges, the gut feelings—yeah, that was God. When I followed the Spirit, things went well. When I went my own way… not so well. I often caused my own pain by choosing independence over obedience. But as I grew in my relationship with God, I came to understand His love for me. Even in my sin, He loved me. That truth humbled me deeply.

Now, here I sit, speaking as if those missteps are behind me. But the truth is, I still get it wrong—today, even with a relationship with God. When I resist His will, I’m refusing His wisdom and His plans for my life. I forget that He knows the plans He has for me. He knows me because He created me—formed me specifically for those plans. I act out in stubbornness, forgetting that the One who formed the earth saw a need for me. I have got to do better.

“The Lord is the source of wisdom; knowledge and understanding come from his mouth.”
— Proverbs 2:6 (ERV)

So I will continue to challenge myself—to keep learning, to keep growing in God’s Word. I will walk out the Word He has given me, because I trust Him, I love Him, and I need Him in my life. His love gives me peace, joy, and hope to sustain me in any situation. God has been faithful to me, even when I have not been faithful to Him.

“I know how to live when I am poor and when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of how to live through any kind of situation—when I have enough to eat or when I am hungry, when I have everything I need or when I have nothing. Christ is the one who gives me the strength I need to do whatever I must do.”
— Philippians 4:12–13 (ERV)