When U Pray

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4-7‬ ERV)

The hardest thing I had to learn about being married is how to love.

I’m not talking about saying I love him and getting mad when he did not meet my expectations. I’m not talking about the love that withers and dies when it is not returned in the way I was expecting. I’m talking about a love that is truly unconditional without expectations.

The first thing I had to do, accept that Jesus loved me without restrictions

The next thing I had to understand was that I had to love myself unconditionally, accepting I had made mistakes, I had to be forgiven and to forgive myself.  That was very difficult and it took a long time and lots of restarts. 

The next thing I had to do was accept that my husband is not perfect. Nope not at all but I love him. Well I had to accept that our love might not look right to others, yup it might not look like they think it should but, again I say, I love him. 

I kept expecting our love to be like the movie where the guy realizes he loves you and immediately changes to the guy you dreamed up when you were 15. I kept thinking that the mistakes me made were a reflection of me. Right, I’m not his mama or his savior but I kept trying to be. Dumb, yes it was dumb, I’m responsible for me. I realized I was responsible for my own dreams, my own happiness and my own goals. 

God created me to be a help to my husband not his mama or his conscious, yup I’m responsible for me and he is responsible for his own actions.

Now for the good part, I love him and he does not have to change, he does not have to meet my dreamed up expectations just be him. I kept praying  to God about it and he told me this. “you trust me with everything but your husband, I AM God enough for him too”. That freed me to love him, cause only God could heal him.

Sheveze