Marriage is hard work, it is not for the faint at heart. After the cake is gone, after the flowers have been pressed in a book, after the limo ride home you have to figure out how to live with that someone.
All the dating rules are no longer valid, you are no longer dating, you are married. If you and your spouse did not have some hard conversations prior to the “I do”, it’s going to be real hard.
Money? How is it going to be handled? Who pays the bills? Who is the responsible party for this? Do we keep our money separate? Is there a disparity in income and I will always be broke and you will be balling? This creates more problems than infidelity. Real talk
Kids? Yours mine and ours? Are we in agreement on how to raise them? Do we share parenting goals? Do we have parents not in the home that need to be considered? Do you tell me I can’t talk to your sons mother and you can’t talk to my daughters dad? Do we all come together for the benefit of our children? Spend a lot of time on this one, it can destroy your marriage.
Work? Do you believe women should work and I think they shouldn’t? That can create a problem. Each one should understand the plan for the family and the plan to execute it.
Household expectations, how do we divide the work? Does he want a home cooked meal everyday but you don’t cook? Do you think he should keep your car washed and gas in it but his momma did it and he thinks you should?
Who does laundry, mows the lawn and does dishes? Who pick up the dry cleaning? Having misaligned expectations create unnecessary havoc in a new relationship. These things don’t get talked about because all you can think of is your dress, flowers and cake.
Church? Which one are we attending yours or mines, do I expect you to go? Do you expect me to, because I only go on Christmas and Easter and maybe Mother’s Day.
How are we going to interact with our families? Do we spend every Sunday at your moms house? What about holidays my family want to se me too?
No matter how long you’ve dated or how long you’ve known one another that ring brings about new expectations. Trust me!
If you already got married and it is struggling, go back to the drawing board. Write out the issues and talk them through. Silence is not an option.
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