When U Pray

I’m sure this post will be nothing that you imagined. But yes, you heard it correctly!! I was Jealous….  
Not of material things.. I could literally care less about that. I’ve had some of everything in my 34 years of life. I was Jealous to see people happy!! Sounds crazy right? Anxiety tried to take out my happiness. I was miserable!! 
Every day my goal was to make it back to bed. I didn’t care about anything else. It took everything in me to function for work then find some more energy to come home and function for my family. It was awful.. 

I would see people laughing and smiling and I would be angry. Like why God?!? Why can’t I be happy? Why do I have to be hurting and barely functioning?  Oh I was angry!! But it got me no where really…. 

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭Says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… and I’m still working on this!!!
I had to lose my woe is me spirit and figure out the reason for this!! And I can honestly say I don’t have it all figured out. But I do know that I went through this so that I can help others… 

My heart is sensitive now to things that I never in my life thought about. Like mental illnesses, bums on the side of the road. Etc etc.. I see Mental Health Advocate in my near future… 

 But for now, I wake up on a mission to not let this take away my happiness. I keep it moving no matter how I feel!!  I have also learned that it’s ok to have a bad day. Just wake up the next day and try it again..  

I can say I’m no longer Jealous of other people’s happiness. I’ve totally learned to deal with the cards I have and trust that God has my back no matter what it look like(and some days it was super ugly). 
And you should too.. Don’t be afraid to admit how you feel, who cares how people will look at you. Seek help if needed. You don’t have to go through anything alone. With God you are truly unstoppable. So continue to DO IT SCARED!! I’m rooting for you!!! ✊🏾❤️